Protection From Pornography

We live in a world where pornography is increasingly being viewed as the "cool" thing to do.  No matter where you turn you are faced with the issue of pornography.  So how do we live in a world where this is becoming acceptable while living a life where it is unacceptable?

The answer seems like an easy one...simply avoid it, put up protection against it.

We all wish it was that easy to protect ourselves some pornography, the truth of it is, pornography is growing increasingly harder to avoid, and protection is getting thin.

It seems as though you can't turn on your tv without a show being more risqué than you'd like, or a commercial having someone scantily clad on screen.  Billboards aren't much better, and the magazine stand at the grocery store is cluttered with close to pornographic images.  The internet and social media is a completely different story. We have ways to make the internet a little more safer for ourselves and our children, but that doesn't mean that we are free from the traps of pornography.

How can we encourage our families to walk away from the trap of pornography? How can we keep our marriage and our family safe?

First, talk about it. This isn't a subject that can be pushed to the back burner anymore. You need to be open and honest about it.  With yourself, your spouse, and your children.  You and your spouse need to have open communication about whether you have ever viewed pornography (willingly or accidentally).  Help each other work through problems if you have.  Your children need to know that they can come to you without fear of judgement if they come across this.  If they know that they can come to you from the beginning you will be more likely to stop them from viewing it again.

Second, put up those walls.  While they may not block every attack sent at you, they will do a better job than not having a wall up at all.  Imagine it as a war zone.  Pornography is the enemy, and you are the good guys.  Pornography is shooting at you and you have a choice between an open field or gunshot ridden wall, which do you choose?  You hide behind the wall, even though it is covered in holes, it will still offer some protection.

Third, increase your spiritual protection.  Make sure that the spirit is able to reside in your home, to help fight off other attacks.  Read scriptures as a family, pray as a family, study the words of modern day prophets. Do those things which would invite the spirit into your home.

Fourth, remember that pornography can come in various types of media. It can be an image on the computer, a movie found on Netflix, a song on the radio, and a book on the library shelf.  I think we sometimes forget that it can come in all forms of media, so we guard ourselves against somethings, but not the other.  We need to arm ourselves against everything. If you have a book that could lead to something worse, or your music choice isn't wholesome, consider changing it before you get too far off the path.

Charity

When you think of marriage, do you think of charity?

I didn't either.

But the more I thought about it,

the more I could see that your marriage is the perfect place for charity, everyday.

I love the above quote Sister Dalton,

if we view charity as a state of the heart rather than just an action we will be able to have charity in our marriages a lot easier.

Yes, you can serve your spouse, that is easy.

But what about being forgiving?

Or loving??
Caring? Comforting?

How about just listening to your spouse as they talk about their day?

While they may be actions, they aren't the large actions that we normally think of when we think of charity and serving, but if you have charity in your heart they will be just that.

Charity in a marriage can be such a strength, to the marriage as a whole as well as to you and your spouse respectably .

Elder Ashton once said, "“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down." (Ashton, 1992, pg. 19)

Christ taught us the perfect example of charity when he forgave the woman who was known for sinning (Luke 7:36-50).  He could have judged her based on her mistakes but he forgave.  We can choose to do that with our spouse.  We can forgive them of their short comings and help them to improve the things that they want to improve on.

Managing Conflict

It is inevitable, conflict will arise in any aspect of your life, sometimes when you are least expecting it.  When you're married you don't have the easy ways out of the conflict though. For example, when you are engaged and you get into a fight, you or your significant other can easily run away to your own home and you don't have to deal with the conflict at hand right away.  When you're married though, you're not going to be able to run away to a different house, you're going to have to figure out a way that works for your marriage to work through the conflicts.

What are some ways that you could work through conflict, or avoid it altogether:

1) Communication, communication, communication.  You need to learn the best way to communicate between the two of you.  Not everyone has the same communication styles, but you need to work out a way that works for you as a couple.

2) Expressing yourself before you hit your boiling point. Just like water has a certain temperature that it will begin to boil we as humans have a certain point where we can take so much before we react badly.

3) Trust. I think that with the larger amount of trust in a marriage, the less likely it would be to experience a large conflict in marriage.

4) Continue growing your relationship.  Just because you are married does not mean that you suddenly know everything about the other person. So if you can continue to grow your relationship through dating each other, and conversing with one another you will be able to know how you each respond to things better.

5) Discuss a problem. Each spouse should be able to discuss the problem at hand before you try and solve the problem.  Sometimes discussing it is the key to solving it.

All in all, conflict is inevitable.  You'll face it in some sort of way, at some point in life.  You just need to figure out how you will manage it and work though it, and it can be a learning experience for oyu.

Pride

The pride cycle isn't something that I automatically think of when I think of marriage.  But, the reality is, pride is everywhere, including marriages.

We have been warned by Prophets of the damage of pride, but it is a lesson that everyone seems to

need to learn over and over again.

In his talk titled Beware of Pride, given in the April 1989 General Conference, President Ezra Taft Benson helps us understand pride a bit better. He says "Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance." "Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing." "The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us."

President Benson then says that when we are prideful towards God we are putting our will before the will of the Lord.

What does pride look like in a marriage then?

Pride can hide itself in things that you don’t even think of.

What about those days when you come home from work and see your spouse just sitting on the couch doing nothing.  How do you react? Is your initial reaction one of anger and questions like “Why are you just sitting there?” “I work all day and come home to find you being lazy again.”

That would be pride, you’re putting yourself before your spouse. 

Perhaps your spouse had spent the entire day deep cleaning the house and this was their first time sitting down.  Or maybe they had just received a phone call and were processing the information.

Or what about when an argument comes into play?

Do you play the

“Let’s see who will apologize first?” game. Yes? That’s pride.

Do you hold grudges?

Are you unforgiving?

Do you sit and let the anger steam?

These are all natural tendencies that we have as humans, but they are also so prideful and can be so damaging to yourself, your spouse, and your marriage.

Every one suffers with pride, the scriptures are covered in examples of the pride cycle.

We have to try and push pride out of our lives, if we can do that we will experience a greater joy.