Trust

This week in class I had the opportunity to interview someone whose marriage I look up to about the importance of trust in marriage.  I chose to interview my cousins wife.  I didn’t grow up with my cousin, but when I started college he was one of my closest confidants.  He drove the 2 hours to visit me at college once, and brought his then girlfriend with him.  Ashley is now of my best friends and I value her opinion greatly, which is why I chose to interview her.

Her answers to my questions were really short and sweet, but it sparked a lot of thoughts this week.

Trust is a hard thing to gain, especially if you've had trust broken too many times.  But it is one of the most important elements in a marriage, actually it is the most important element in any relationship.

One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

We learn about trusting the Lord in everything in our lives.  We learn to trust Him and His timing, we trust that he knows what is best for us, and we trust that He will protect us. 

Why not take those lessons and place them in all of our other relationships?

My cousin's wife said something in response to one of my questions that really struck a chord with me.  She said; "Your spouses trust is one the most important things in your marriage, make sure to gain that trust early on. Don’t do anything that would hinder that trust." 

You need to gain that trust before marriage.  Trust is something that you need to work towards gaining when you first begin dating.   If you expect your significant other to live in a way that you could trust them, then you should also be living your life the same way. 

I love the image that the quote at the beginning of this post puts in my head.  You take a piece of paper, crumple it up, and smooth it back out.  It might lay flat, and be useable, but there will still be wrinkles, possible tears, and it won't look as pretty as it once did.  If you break someone's trust they will always wonder if you're telling the truth or not, they will me more likely to doubt you, and they won't look at you the same as they once did.  

Trust makes life better. A marriage based on trust with be a happier one and one that will be closer to the Lord. 

 

Marry Your Best Friend

I have always dreamed of marrying my best friend. Nothing sounds more appealing than being able to spend eternity with the person whom you consider to be your best friend.

It wasn't until this week that I realized the importance of being married to your best friend.

By definition a best friend is one's closest friend.  A best friend is someone who generally shares your same interests, is someone you can talk to, someone who will help guide you through life.  

Honestly, why wouldn't you want to marry your best friend!

Not only is it important to marry your best friend but it is important to continue to grow that friendship while you're married.  Most would consider this "dating your spouse".  But to me I think furthering and strengthening your friendship while your married is more about the spontaneous moments rather than the planned.  The small talks on the couch about nothing, the spur of the moment campout in your living room, playing games, etc.  

Marriage is a big commitment. When you decide to get married you generally spend all of your time with your spouse, so you'd better like him.  I think for some people eventually they call their spouse their best friend, but how wonderful would it be to call them that before they were your spouse.

Friends get to know each other on a  whole different level.  There is a lot of pressure to be your perfect self when you're dating.  There is less pressure when you're becoming friends.  Build a friendship first, a friendship where you ask the tough questions, a friendship where they know you better than yourself and vice versa.  Build a friendship that you're never going to want to lose and then take the next step. 

A Temple Marriage

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently.  You shield it and protect it.  You never abuse it.  You don't expose it to the elements.  You don't make it common or ordinary.  If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new.  It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by." -Elder F. Burton Howard*

About six years ago I learned that I had a longing to photograph the temples.  This was something that it seemed like everyone was doing, but I wanted to do it.  I soon realized I wanted to be doing this because I wanted to spend time around the temple as often as possible.   There is a peace about the temple, both inside and outside.  I longed for that peace as much as possible.

I have never considered anything less than a temple marriage for myself.  I want to start my future family off on the right foot and to me, that means being sealed to my future spouse for time and all eternity.  Why would you not want to start your new life off that amazingly?! 

I have been blessed to be surrounded by some fantastic people in my life.  As I have gotten older the friends that I associate with are also getting older.  I don't mean that in a bad way, but most of my friends are 30+ years old.  I look up to them because they know what they want.  It's hard to be a single adult in the church, everyone thinks you should be married by 21.  I was at lunch with some friends today and one friend that was recently married, and now teaches the Laurels in her ward said this.  "I cannot imagine life any differently now.  Being married to your best friend is everything.  But waiting for that was so worth it.  Waiting to find the right person and to get married in the temple was everything."  It's easy to rush in life, but this isn't something that can be rushed.  A temple marriage is special and needs to be treated as such.  We should all be striving for a temple marriage whether we are 18, 35, or 80.  I strongly believe that we should strive for a temple marriage even after we are married.  We need to keep working towards those things that keep us worthy to enter the House of the Lord.

To quote President Hinckley from a February 1999 Ensign article he says;

"This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry... Marry the right person in the right place at the right time."** 

*General Conference Address "Eternal Marriage"; F. Burton Howard (April 2003)

**"Life's Obligations", Ensign, February 1999, 2

Threats to Marriage

We are living in a scary time.  When our beliefs are being attacked at the core.  It seems like every day the media has something new to inform us about pertaining to the things we believe.  

The family has been under attack for several years.  We have really been warned since 1995 when President Hinckley released "The Family: A Proclamation To The World".  I have received numerous paper copies of The Family, some have stayed in my possession, others have found new homes.  This year as I am studying Marriage and Family studies, as well as taking The Eternal Family institute class, the proclamation seems to be taking on a whole new meaning to me.  

The first paragraph of "The Family" says; 

"We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." 

I have no doubt that this paragraph was written for us, in this day.  We don't have to look much further for confirmation that we, as a church, believe that marriage is between a man and woman.  The Prophet did not proclaim that marriage between a woman and woman is ordained of God, he clearly says "marriage between a man and woman".  

In 1995 the standard for marriage and the family was not being attacked as it is today.  Yet our leaders knew that we needed something to remind us of our worth and the importance of families.  We are so blessed to have this in our lives today, to have in our homes, on our phones, to look at at a moments notice to remind ourselves of what we believe. 

There will be times when we will have to stand and fight for what we believe.  We have just as much right as anyone else does to stand for our believes.  We cannot let people tell us that "times are changing, and we need to change with them."  There are some things in the church that will change with time, the importance of marriage and families will never change, because that is what the plan is all about.  We need to realize that and accept that some people just want to pick fight with us.  

The last paragraph of the "The Family" reads;

"We call upon responsible citizens and offices of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

Again, in 1995 they read out in a call to action and asked the world to stand up for the family, to protect it, to strengthen it, and to keep it sacred.   While this was a call to action of 10 years ago, I think it is a call to action for us now.  To protect our families, our neighbors families, and our future families.

courtesy of:Whimzical Woods Barn https://www.woodsbarn.com/shop/family-proclamation/

Marriage

I am not married, and I don't see marriage in my near future, so I am not here to claim that I know the answers to any questions, or that I even have any knowledge on these subjects.  I do however enjoy learning and furthering my intellect, so I am hoping that through this class I will be able to prepare myself for marriage in the future.

It seems like every girl dreams of the day they will step into a white dress from the time they are very young.  Teenagers spend their time day dreaming of the person they're going to marry.  Older teens and young adults spend their time planning their perfect Pinterest wedding, making sure that every detail from the venue right down to the shoes on their feet are just perfect.  I will admit that I have a Pinterest board full of green succulents, babies breath, all things ivory, lanterns, and barn venues; hoping for the day I can plan the ultimate event of my life.

Somewhere along the way though, we forget about the marriage part and become focused solely on the wedding.  A wedding lasts for a day, a marriage should last for eternity.   What are we doing to prepare ourselves to spend eternity with another person.  Eternity is a very long time, a very very long time.  The world wants you to believe that divorce is okay, that if you can't stand to stay around a certain person that you can just get up and leave.  It is scary to think that it has become so easy for people to leave.  There are circumstances where it is necessary for you to leave, I understand that.  But there are many circumstances where it is simply the easy way out to leave, this life isn't meant to be easy, marriage isn't meant to be easy.

Are you preparing yourself in the same way you hope your dream spouse is preparing themselves? That is something that I sometimes forget about.   If you have ever spent time in the young women's program you may be all too familiar with the lesson where you write down a list of qualities you want in your perfect man.   Just because you have a list you can't rely on that solely.  You should be finding those qualities within yourself so that you are an example of what you want.  You can't expect to find a valiant member of the church ready to marry you if you are not searching for ways to be a valiant member yourself.